A Beginning

January 18, 2010 at 4:23 am (Question: What do you care about?)

So, I opened a new blog that I have not used. I am not sure why I have become afraid of the page in front of me but I have. I fear the words that I might write, that the creativity is gone, that the emotions that used to drive the words from my fingers to the digital page have left and will not return. I know that it cannot be the case. I still feel, I still bleed, I still want, miss, desire and attempt to love, with the same amount of passion that I once did. Or maybe I am delusional, and am attempting to justify my place alongside the rest of the humanity as they struggle with the same problems that I struggle with. Maybe over the course of the next (period of time, year) I will find some of the answers. Maybe as I start a new series of adventures that I will come to grips with a reality that I have pushed against for so long. I guess the bottom line is that I am tired of not knowing, not knowing what I want out of life, what I define as success, and even what I care about. I am tired of the carefree and haphazard way upon which I have chosen my life. I see what I have written and roll my eyes at the way that I have placed this feeling upon the table.

But, there is truth in what I have written. I have traveled the world and have been successful at my chosen profession, and yet still have no goals, no aspirations that aren’t whimsical or fleeting. Last night on a Skype phone call from the other side of the world I was asked what do I care about, and much to my own displeasure I was unable to answer that question. I did not know, nor could I guess on the spot anything more appropriate than “peace in the middle east.” Ha, so maybe, just maybe, some introspection will bring clarity to my thoughts and an answer to the question that was given as a homework assignment. Maybe and just maybe I took the question way to literally.

Well day break is upon me, and I must get some sleep before I go back to wondering the streets of Baghdad. The city cries out its morning prayer as I black out my window and finish typing what notes I have from the previous night. The city comes to life around me as I shut down, the cafes fill up with old men who smoke pungent cigarettes and drink their tea. Politics will be the discussion this morning as the news finally hits the streets that over four hundred names were taken off the ballot for the upcoming elections. A couple of them were prominent Sunni figures that carry weight with the Tribals (a term to denote the Bedu Arabs that maintain their identity with the tribes of the desert.) Well, those issues can wait, as my bed waits for me.


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